I Lead My Own Parade I Choose My Own Life

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 14:33:29 GMT

im moving back to blogger.

www.huiwen-narcissist.blogspot.com

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 11:08:42 GMT

Should i go back to blogspot?

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 07:54:57 GMT

The previous two post were just pictures. Wasnt in a blogging mood, but SOMEONE had to bug me for the pictures. And since i could load some, i might as well load all. Lolness.

Saturday was pretty alright. Stoned and slacked the whole morning in front of the teevee. Went to tm in the afternoon with my two sis to get shoes. I am determined to lose weight. I was only 40 when i was working at levi's. And thats like what feb? Im now a shocking 45kg. It is NOT ok for someone at the height of 158. Grrh. So i went to run on saturday night for ard 30 mins. AND i stopped eating supper since saturday =) Supper used to be a DAILY thing ok. Oh and we took neos, my first in like a freaking long time.

Slacked on sunday. What did i do? Err... Didnt do much, watched tv. I cannot remember what i did on sunday. LOL.

Was suppose to go to school and study and meet nadya at dover after her lessons at SIM. But i was kinda lazy. So stayed at home, studied infront of the teevee, sooo err. Haha. Yah, pretty much nothing went in. Had dinner at New York New York with Nadya and Licia. Then because its been some time since they took neos. We trained to cine to take neos. LOLness. OH OH OH Licia bought me that red hand thingy! Woots. New infatuation, Mr Red. =p

And here i am today, at home, slacking again. And the paper is on thursday. Grrh. Im so dead. But oh wells. Nvm. And i cant wait for sunday! Oh and i so wanna try shisha.

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 14:34:43 GMT

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 17:14:54 GMT

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 06:00:58 GMT

Was just stoning for a few seconds last night, just a few seconds. And it hit me, that why am i ignoring and avoiding you? What am i trying to prove? That im a useless freak? Haha i dont see the point of me doing that suddenly. For more than a week i havent been talking to you, and although it has been a great relief compared to the days i was constantly waiting for your reply and my world totally revolved around you, as i dont have to be by my phone anymore, and i dont have to be by the comp anymore. But the load was still on me. When i hear songs we once shared, i still skip it, i dont bear to hear it. But after so many days. I realise time does heal wounds. =)

I started a conversation with you last night. And now, i know i have totally let go, when i dont feel even a pinch, when you take million years to reply, and even when you dont reply. From then on, i knew im over you. I still like you, but im over being over-dependent, im over being reliant. Im no longer this random girl who happens to like you so much im doing nth else but liking you. Im huiwen, who happens to like you =)

Now, i can listen to umbrella at ease. No longer bothered by the fact that the sun is shared =)

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 15:35:05 GMT

My new infatuation... benefit! It is available at TANGS Orchard. Must go after exams. Or are there any nice souls who wanna get them for me? As a belated bdae gift =)

#EDITTED the price was wrong, it was in US. Corrected. OH AND I BOUGHT THE SOME KIND-A GORGEOUS FOUNDATION!

gettin' steamy mini - $17.25

lemon aid - $41

boi-ing in 03 - $41

BADgal eye pencil - $41

concealer brush - $41

misfit like me makeup bag - $41

gee... that was quick! - $43.70

get bent lash - $43.70

fantasy mint wash - $44.85

girl's good name makeup bag - $44.85

pocket pal - $46

ka pow! - $46

some kind-a gorgeous - $60

depuffing action eye gel - $60

jiggle gel - price unknown

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 18:02:16 GMT

looking at that number 7 window popping up saying *** is online more than once an hr was killing me. So i found that video of keely. Was kinda debating with myself whether to show it or not. Well i did, and 'lol thanks' was what i got. Well i had a super strong urge to reply. To clarify every single doubt i had that you never did wanna answer. But it was all held back. And i kinda let it past. But you had to come wish me luck for a paper that im even taking. You had to get the temptation to talk to you on so much. Well i was thinking of letting the conversation end at ur 'k'. I hate that letter the most. Like what is it the end of the conversation? Couldnt you have ended it in a nicer way? Am i suppose to go on? So i ended it in a nicer way. That was the first conversation we had since... 10th i think. And it ended in less than 15 minutes. But i guess that was enough. Anymore, and i would have given in. You know that i miss you, and you know you mean alot to me. So i have nth to hide. But all im trying to do now, is to get my life back. A life where i could lead freely. A life which i dont depend on the vibration of my phone. A life where i dont have to look forward to a reply that i dont even know is coming or not. Once i find my own feet again, i will have the strength to go on. Not giving up, just like before.

But should i go back, or not.

It's funny when you find yourself
Looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want
Is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe
Miracles could happen
Cause now I have to pretend
That I don't really care

I thought you were my fairytale
A dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star
Thats coming true
But everybody else could tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody
That I heard you singing
And when you smiled
You made me feel
Like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words
Now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's
Once upon a song

Now I know your not a fairytale
And dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star
Just don't come true
Cause now even I can tell
That I confused my feelings with the truth
Cause I liked the view
When there was me and you

I can't believe that
I could be so blind
It's like you were floating
While I was falling
And I didn't mind

Cause I liked the view
Thought you felt it too
When there was me and you

Wed, 15 Aug 2007 12:13:42 GMT

boring life.

met zengliang at tanah then went to airport to copy econs notes. Which would have been redundant if i actually went for lectures and copied them, or even listen to whatever that woman was rambling on about. Must make it a point to not skip lectures next semester. Must. Sigh i need motivation to get to school man. I dont see a point in going to school. At all. Any hot guys who wanna transfer to my class? Lolness.

Met tiffany after that to photocopy tutorials. Which would too be redundant if i actually copied all the tutorials, and remember where i keep them -.- Sigh. limhuiwen, tsk tsk tsk. I should start focusing and stop thinking of things i should be thinking of. Like some random kampong taitai. Qwertyuiop.

Meeting licia to watch secrets tml.

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 15:59:56 GMT

woots. watched tv from like 10 plus to ard 3. shiok right, i know. sounds so slack right, i know. it feels like im having my holidays already. Its EXAM WEEK people, EXAM WEEK. Sheesh. I wasted one whole day today, not studying.

Met mong, ok i should stop calling her mong. Met mel at 4.30 at city hall. Went to catch the 4.55 Simpsons at Marina Square. I think they are gonna stop showing it soon cox the timings are getting pretty awkward. And its sooooo empty. I think there were less than 20 people in there. And there were this bunch of noisy kids. Zomg. The volume they laugh at. Can beat ms lee man. Anyway i think it was a pretty funny thing. Now i know whats with everyone's personal message on msn. Spiderpig. The pig is darn cute. Haha he has easily styled hair. HOHOHO.

Trained to tm right after the movie. Not every TAG member came though. There was licia, chewy, nik, liang, ry, yuan, merv and of course Mr Oh and tube the non TAG member who is always there =) Actually thats pretty much the whole of TAGalumni. Took a few photos, but the uploading is very slow today. So nvm. Maybe tml.

Alright i might be going to bed soon. Sigh its getting so boring these days. My life is getting stagnant man. Im gonna tan after my econs paper. I must.

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 16:01:42 GMT

Woke up at 7 today. Could have left house at 8.47... But the tv seduced me. So i watched till 10. Zilch self-control, as usual. So left house at 10 for school., although my paper is at 6 in the evening. I didnt wanna stay at home. I cant study at home anyway. I cant bear to stay at home these days. I must keep myself occupied. Maybe that why i was out at the library so much. It wasnt to study, it was just to occupy myself.

Studied from 11 plus to 5 where i was totally stoning and drawing on my paper. Went in for the paper and that good looking lecturer was one of the 3 invigilators. Oh wells total distraction. lolness. I kind of gave up on the paper because i know i dont have enough time. And i know i went wrong from pretty beginning. So i gave up. Didnt complete the paper.

So i must keep my days busy with activities.

Wanted to watch The Simpsons Movie with ds ppl. But i guess its the wrong time. With the seniors having the dance comp, and the exams and all. Oh wells. Mel hasnt watch it. Might be watching it with mel tml. If not, then byebye simpsons.

Meeting TAGgies tml to collect our carolling money that finally arrived in MO's bank account. Well not the entire TAG though. Licia, Chewy, Nik, Ry, Merv, Liang, Yuan, Jaz, Xue er. Enough for me. The seniors are the ones who havent been seeing each other much anyway. But i miss Anana. Sigh. He is so busy he doesnt even have time to tan with me anymore. Sigh.

I wanna go back to secondary sch days. Back with secondary school friends. Licia was saying how Mdm Sharifah ever told us that sec sch friends are forever poly and uni ones arent. And we were all like "sure anot" looks round and think "why would i wanna be friends with these people forever?" But yap, now i understand. I still wanna see licia alot. Im dieing to meet may, joe, yuan, birdy and syl. Im really happy when i meet ppl like the 3 teteks anywhere on the road. Im glad when i bump into ppl like fel or ruiqi. And i totally miss chanhaoen!

There will be more coming up. Ry you are up first! Cox i have the most pics with you. Hohoho.

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 16:36:59 GMT

i know you will not read this post. becox you dont come here at all. you are just so busy. havent been talking to you for i dont know how long, and it totally doesnt bother you at all. i guess it just gave you more time with somebody else. it just saves you for the annoyance. im plain useless lah ppl. I said i wanted to let go. Well, yah i havent been msging him all talking to him. But its killing me. Its plain torturous. Staring at my own phone in the morning, thinking whether to msg. Staring at my list of contacts, seeing you there. But not doing anything.

Oh somebody save me. Get me out of this mess. Oh there he is, just came online. Sigh.

I miss you dong.

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 03:58:11 GMT

Panic Streak officially reaches a dangerous level. My PACC paper is tml. I printed 3 past year papers. And touched none. Wowness. Constantly saying i want to start studying, but i end up doing things im not suppose to do, like watching TV, reading my Jo March's Attic, talking online, and... blogging. Oh and how can i forget what i was doing before this... SOLITARE. Sheesh i have absolute nilch self-control.

I cant wait for this Mid-Session Test to end. (My econs paper is on 23rd) Then i can go have fun. I cant wait for Simpsons and Secret, which i dont even know if it will still be on by then. And i cant wait to start shopping.

Going to TMS this tuesday. Whoopeeness. It has been ten thousand years since i went back to tms. Miss the school like hell, but i guess tms isnt what it was like anymore. With the new P and VP, they turned tms into an ordinary school. School with lame rules like white shoes -.- and no coloured rubber bands, and all that nonsense. Tms as such fun. WAS. Now all our events are restricted by those two idiots. Luckily i was the last batch of fun. And we had the most fun. !Smash'D was our first and last mega concert. Chocolate day was such fun, staying over at Plaza Sing. See, you p and vp. You guys have turned tms into an ordinary school. Hello dp you know how to spell F-U-N? Loser adults. Mrs Ouyang was so much better. And there she is at cedar girls, where they dont appreciate her at all (my classmate in sp was from cedar girls, she told me)

Oh wells, like anything else can be done. As long as they dont start restricting us in Polys.. im fine with it. And MAYBE i should go start on the papers now. Sheesh limhuiwen.

Such a sad piece of cake i am. Lolness, ok that was random.

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 15:34:37 GMT

These are all songs from Hannah Montana. They all seem to speak for me.

Rock Star

Sometimes I walk a little faster
In the school hallway
Just to get next to you
Some days I spend a little extra
Time in the morning
Just to impress you

Guess you don't notice
Guess you don't need this
why you're not seein' what you're missin'
On the outside shyin' away
On the inside dyin' to say

I'm unusual
Not so typical
Way too smart to be waiting around
Tai chi practicing
Snowboard champion
I could fix the flat on your car
I might even be a rock star

Sometimes I wish when the phone rings
That it would be you
Saying let's hang out
Then you confess
That there's something special between us
Why don't we find out

you don't even know me
Guess you don't need me
why you're not seein' what you're missin'
On the outside shyin' away
On the inside dyin' to say

True Friend (Licia Chee!)

We sign our cards and letters BFF
You've got a million ways to make me laugh
You're lookin' out for me; you've got my back
It's so good to have you around

You know the secrets I could never tell
And when I'm quiet you break through my shell
Don't feel the need to do a rebel yell
Cause you keep my feet on the ground

You're a true friend
You're here till the end
You pull me aside
When something ain't right
Talk with me now and into the night
'Til it's alright again
You're a true friend

You don't get angry when I change the plans
Somehow you're never out of second chances
Won't say "I told you" when I'm wrong again
I'm so lucky that I've found

True friends will go to the ends of the earth
Till they find the thing you need
Friends hang on through the ups and the downs
Cause they've got someone to believe in

G.N.O. (Girl's Night Out)

Don't call me
Leave me alone
Not gonna answer my phone
Cause I don't
No I won't see you

I'm out to have a good time
To get you off of my mind
Cause I don't
And I won't need you

Send out a 911
We're gonna have some fun
Hey boy, you know
You better run

Cause it's a girl's night
It's alright without you
I'm gonna stay out
And play out without you
You better hold tight
This girl's night is without you
Let's go
G.N.O.
Let's go
It's a girl's night

I'll dance with somebody new
Won't have to think about you
And who knows
What let go will lead to

You'll hear from everyone
You'll get the 411
Hey boy
You knew this day would come

Hey boy
Don't you wish you could have been a good boy
Try to find another girl like me, boy
Feel me when I tell ya
I am fine
And it's time for me to draw the line

Right Here (To all you people who have been here all along)

I'll be right here where you need me
Anytime just keep believing
And I'll be right here...
If you ever need a friend
Someone to care and understand
I'll be right here

All you have to do is call my name
No matter how close or far away
Ask me once and I'll come running
And when I can't be with you dream me near
Keep me in your heart and I'll appear
All you gotta do is turn around
Close your eyes, look inside

I'm right here

Isn't it great that you know that
I'm ready to go wherever you're at
Anywhere, I'll be there

I'll be here
When you need me
No, there's no need to worry
You know that I'm gonna be right here

Clear

Its six A.M. and I'm wide awake
Cause I can't stop thinking
About the stuff you were saying to me
And I can't let is slide
The paper's not here yet the suns not up
But I'm not afraid to tell you what I feel inside
I had one of those dreams that makes it all so

Clear to me now
I got a whole new perspective
It's so Clear to me now
You can't treat me that way
It appears to me
How long you tried to make me think it was me
Who was being the fake
So Clear

Why did I smile when I hurt inside
Said I was okay when I knew it's a lie
I wanted to believe in you
You took your chances and one was me
So I'll just forgive you and set you free
I'm on my way
Yeah I'm stepping out of the haze and its so

I wanna put the past behind
Try and maybe I can find better days
First time in a while
I think I even feel a smile on my face

Suns going down on a Saturday
And I feel all right and I feel OK

I Miss You

You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms

I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you

You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm living out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everything that's happening for me
I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast

I know you're in a better place, yeah
But I wish that I could see your face, oh
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

And here is one other song Joana send.

Never Let You Go Lyrics

The rain just never seems to bring the joy, I feel the same,
Everlasting pain of my loss remains,
My heart can't seem to learn to part,
The hold you left your mark,
All that I dreamed of now it seem so stark,

Though I told myself, won't hold my breath,
A part of me was dying,
There is nothing left for me to do now, but give in,

*Chorus
If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling,
I would sing to you and tell you I won't live my life without you,
If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling,
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes,
And you know I'd never let you go.

The way you left me on the train,
I don't know what to say,
I remember everything of that day,
I can't believe we'd never dance,
I just need one more chance,
To share the sunset,
Our one last romance,

And i can start panicking now. Didnt study today. Watched tv for the whole day. Went bowling just now. Gosh wanjie is damn black now. No, not tan, BLACK. Haha. He went for OBS and is peeling. Gross man. Haha. He is totally uneven now. Maybe i should ask him go tan with me =)

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 05:46:48 GMT

Im home on a saturday afternoon, as usual. Lol. People always ask, " Never go out?" Im usually home on saturdays and sundays lah. I dont like crowd. And i dont have much to do anyway. So no life right. Haha!

I aim to finish 3, or at least 2 past year papers today. =) Although it is already 1.34 and i havent started, at all. Lolness. I woke up at 10 plus and watched tv and ate lunch, till now. Hohoho. Merry Christmas to me.

Ooo... i cant wait to watch the simpsons! Might be watching it with DS ppl =) Yayness, my only sanity in SP. Since uncle say he havent watch, and joana also havent watch, and chow dont mind watching it again. wheeness! Shall go ask imelda and emi whoopeedoo. Was suppose to watch secrets with them. But imelda is watching it with her friends although she said she dont mind watching it again. And chow apparently wont understand anything out of it. And Licia wants to watch secrets with me =)

Last night was crapology. There you were signing in and out. And i was just hoping slightly that you might come talk. LOL i know, limhuiwen is plain useless. I can go and die. Haha. Oh wells.

And i dont know what happened to my every sat bowling session. qwertyuiop. My mum is just plain lazy man. But if she doesnt go, there is no way im lugging my ball to the alley on my own. Haha. Laziness. Foof.

I dont know why im so high. Ok maybe i do. Im using my desktop. Its been so long since i touched this keyboard. So unlaptop like. Wahaha! Alright, i shall stop my nonsense and go start on my paper or something. =D Vyevye!

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 11:09:04 GMT

Woke up this morning and immedietely looked for my phone. Was dissappointed. I know, im suppose to forget, but i guess it takes time =)

Met licia at 9.30 at kembangan mrt. Trained to bugis and went to NLB. Saw sze sian there. Totally unexpected. Then afrer a while syak came, with erwin, another totally unexpected. Haha, why in the hell will i be bumping into syak at a library man. Licia went to the airport at 12.15. And there was this sudden strong temptation to msg you. Lol. Resisted. Walked over to buy takopachi, i ate 6 man! Lolness. Studied again. Licia came back at 3 plus. She rolled her eyes when i told her bout my tempation. qwertyuiop. haha. Syak came back from her lunch with erwin and attempted luring me to go play pool with her. Haha, attempt failed.

And she went " where was the huiwen i know?"

Shrugs. Huiwen became studious after prelims =) So you can ask me out anytime, but not during exam period. Licia was asking me to go watch secrets with her just now. But nope, after econs =) Yes that 2 hrs can kill. Haha. Darn i just asked joana, uncle, chow, imelda and axel to go watch secrets. But nvm, since chow and axel probably wouldnt even understand anything about the movie since they know nuts about chinese, i'll ask them to go watch simpsons with me. Although i wanted to watch it with you. Lol nvm, chow says he is my spare =) but cannot put me before his gf. Haha!

Alright im off to watch tv and read my book. Oh and i realise im living such happier days. I was the one pulling myself down. I was emoing for myself. It was all in the mind =) Tatas!

Thu, 09 Aug 2007 04:24:49 GMT

I moved.

I want to leave things behind.
I dont want to be dumb anymore. People have been telling me how stupid i am. Yah i knew it was dumb, but i thought there was nth i could do about it. I tot it became a habit i couldnt kick away. But now, i want to. It is getting no where. And it hurts like fuck. So here is is. Huiwen is back to her narcissistic days. =) I still like you, but i dont wanna cling on anymore. Its time i get a life and stop being such a loser.